"But I Want To!"

How often have you uttered the words, "but I want to!?" We expect this kind of stubborn, pouty-lipped exclamation from a toddler as they express their selfish desire to have their own way.  But when we stomp our feet as adults and solidify an unrelenting pose of arms crossed and willfulness fully in tact, our flesh pops out! That nasty evasive sin nature that requires careful discipline. The flesh.

It's that defiant wave we give to indicate that we know what we need to do and we're not going to do it! It's the 'nobody tells me what to do' attitude pumping up it's muscles. "But I want to!" Famous last words as we give into the sin nature and allow the flesh to dictate our choices, rather than the Holy Spirit. Instant gratification! There is nothing like it. Excess. Moving us outside of moderation and balance. Do I need another piece of cake? No. Can I stop engaging in that addiction that is hanging over my head? Yes, but I want to...have it, take it, drink it, eat it, look at it, do it! I WANT!! 

But what about the consequences? It's harming me spiritually and physically -- it's effecting my relationships and harming my moods. "But I want to!!" Our flesh pleads with us to give in and just 'do it' like Nike commands. What's the big deal? Nobody needs to know. When was the last time you did it? You deserve a reward -- you've had a hard day! It will feel/taste/smell/sound good! At least while it lasts. There's a reason we give into our flesh nature and sin. Because it does feel good, in the moment. That's why we struggle with it. B

ut sin leads to death. Romans 6:2 says, "Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?...We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. (6:6). "Don't you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living (Romans 6:16)."

And the great thing is, we CAN do all things through Christ who gives us strength. ALL things, not some or most (Phillipians 4:13). God has given us the Holy Spirit as a resource to provide us with all we need in this regard. The fruit of the Holy Spirit includes self-control. We can say no and survive. We can break habits and walk in victory over addiction. God has not called us to live a mediocre 'meh' life but an abundant one. We are overcomers through Christ Jesus. Romans 8:37 says, "No, despite all these things [if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death], overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us."

Next time you're tempted to give in and allow the flesh to impose it's two year-old persona on you, say no! Use the power and presence of the Holy Spirit in you to choose what is truly best for you. You are not a slave to the basal urges of the fleshly nature. You are an overcomer in Jesus Christ! Live in your freedom.

Pseudo Connection and Other Maladies

What a beautiful day to be at the beach. The blue sky, warm sunshine, pelicans doing a fly-by, white sugar sand and azure gulf waters crashing down in rhythmic waves. Ahhhh. Lovely. We even met a true local, a great blue heron literally walking alongside us at the beach. What a graceful and beautiful bird! He was chilling out. Hoping that someone might hand him a fish so he didn't have to do any work today!

As I watched the activity of children of all ages, some well into their elder years. I noticed a similar theme. Relaxation. Play. Rest. One little boy ran with such anticipation into the waves that he couldn't help but squeal with glee as he ran across the sand. Another group of kids was lining up to do battle with the ocean -- leaping up into the waves and getting pushed back with each wave. Only to get up and do it all over again.

Sometimes we forget to chill out and be leisurely. To shut off (or at least ignore) the technological gadgets that we seem to think we need to take with us everywhere lest we miss some tidbit of ongoing drama in someone else's life or heaven forbid, miss a call or text or Facebook message from a friend or family member! Do you remember the days before cellphones? I even remember calling people who didn't even have an answering machine, gasp! You actually had to call again later if you were still wanting to speak to that person. And it was okay. We actually had more time without constant distraction and pleas for attention. We could sit and read a book or go for a walk or take a drive and actually be present in the moment.

When was the last time you shut off your cellphone and electronics and spent uninterrupted time with the people you love? Giving them your full attention. Enjoying time together. Being present in the moment fully. Truly connecting with each other. People are starting to experience more and more loneliness and it's not for lack of texting and the like. It's that pseudo connection via text and Facebook and electronic means does not truly give us connection. Having hundreds of friends on Facebook does not replace the need to be truly known. We don't experience community during online streaming or a podcast. These are all good things but they don't replace the valid need of real, gritty, present connection with someone. Whether it's God, our partner, our family or friends, the intimacy of those relationships is compounded when we honour that person with our authentic engagement in the time spent in their presence. 

Next time your child comes to tell you something wonderful (or painful), your partner or dear friend starts talking to you, turn off the distractions and give them your undistracted attention. Soak it in. Connect. And be connected.

Lessons from Botox

I am not the typical kind of woman who would get botox to make my lip pout or erase a wrinkle, those are battle scars won by a life well lived and I'm keeping 'em! However, in my journey through chronic pain I have encountered botox as a treatment for pain. I had read that migraines were being successfully treated with botox injections but was rather surprised when my pain rehabilitation doctor suggested we do some injections. So this past week I went for my appointment, a vial of botox in hand -- essentially a neuro-toxin smear on the bottom of a glass vial. This stuff is worth more than gold! That little smear was $385.00 at Costco, ranging up over $500-600 at other pharmacies. Thank the Lord it was covered by my drug plan. Whew!

The doctor explained how the botox would work, what it would do and how he was going to inject it. The lengthy needles made me a little bit little-headed so I directed my thoughts to fond memories of playing on the beach when I was young, a.k.a. my happy place! He started on the back and did four injections, two into the erector muscles - the ones that hold you up - and two for the iliosacrial ligaments. "Great," I thought -- "I'm going to have a butt like Joan River's face!" Happy place, happy place... Then I rolled over to receive the more substantial needle into my psoas muscle. I didn't even know about this muscle before that day. But it is the lengthy, strong and substantial muscle that actually runs from the spine, through the pelvis and out into the front of the hip! One deep injection - HAPPPYYYY PPPLLAACCEEEE!! We have since seen this muscle is appropriately named pso-as, because it certainly contributes to that pain!

Since then I have experienced flu-like symptoms including a severe headache. They say it takes 4-7 days for the botox to work and essentially paralyze the muscle. I think it's coming. What I didn't expect is that when you deaden a major muscle in your hip flexor it makes it harder to walk and causes some pain in other areas as the body has to compensate for these muscles that are now failing to fire. I was just looking forward to these muscles coming out of their spasmatic state and providing pain relief!

It made me think of the analogy of us being the 'body of Christ.' How each part of the body is needed and works in conjunction with the others. Romans 12:4-6 says, "Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ's body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you." The passage goes on to talk about the different gifts that God has granted us - teaching, helping, leadership - and how each person's gifts are important and designed for a purpose. Ultimately, we need each other. We need to work together. Being alive and part of community is so important -- don't be a botoxed believer; paralyzed and deadened so that you don't function properly and neglect using the gifts that God has given to you. God created us to be inter-dependent - not fiercely independent or grossly over-dependent. Interdependence promotes individuality, freedom and responsibility, in the context of supportive community. If you are botoxed right now, hang in there. It wears off in about three months. Then you can reactivate and get involved. Take your rightful place in the body and bring glory to the God who created you, loves you and has gifted you!

Resiliency -- Something We Really Need

Why is it that two people raised in the same home can end up so differently? Even identical twins can endure the same kind of trauma and be effected in totally different ways. During the brunt force of trauma a person can implode and fracture. They can explode and destroy. Or they can survive and thrive as they heal. So why do some people pass through horrific trials and trauma and come out the other side with peaceful smiles on their faces?

Corrie Ten Boom is one such person. She is one of the most resilient people I have ever heard of. She was a Dutch woman whose family helped save the lives of over 800 jews and numerous members of the Dutch Underground. Not only did she live through the holocaust and three horrendous concentration camps that stole the lives of her sister, father and one other family member. Corrie Ten Boom didn't just survive. She overcame her imprisonment and found peace and freedom in forgiveness. She went on to write books and share what she learned through her trials "There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still" and "God will give us the love to be able to forgive our enemies."   (Read more at http://www.corrietenboom.com).

Walking on the beach in Galveston I found this shell. I'm a bit of a fanatic when it comes to shelling! I am intrigued by the shape, colour, texture and personality of these shells. This white shell was so thin it was almost translucent, yet it had endured being tossed around in a roiling ocean. Tiny ridges detailed this shell as you can see -- intricate, fragile and yet so very resilient! I found a number of shells like this one -- sturdy little fellas! I was also looking for some bigger more colourful shells that had a big circular spiral  to them. I found lots of pieces but no whole shells. It was rather ironic to see these bigger, substantial creatures with thick shells broken to pieces while these thin little white ones were basking in the sunshine on a Texan beach.

So what makes one shell more resilient than an other? What makes one person more resilient than another? What are the markers of resiliency? Can we make ourselves more resilient or is just innate? Resiliency is the ability to withstand shock and crisis without permanent damage – an ability to recover from or adjust relatively easily to misfortune or change.

Here are some things that build resiliency:
- Laugh more.
- Re-cast situations/challenge your perspectives.
- Look for the good rather than focusing on the negative.
- Forgive those who have harmed you.
- Look for opportunities to do something different, then do it!
- Laugh more.
- Remember that you have choice; choose to be grateful and hopeful.

This is where the Serenity Prayer affords such wisdom (in its entirety):

"God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 

Enjoying one moment at a time; 

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; 

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life 

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen."                  -- Reinhold Niebuhr

We cannot change who we have been but we can change who we become. By the grace of God, may we become more resilient and experience the peace of a life well-lived and a contented smile. "For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11b-13.

The Triple Threat - Body, Mind & Spirit

In this journey through chronic pain, I have become even more aware of the interconnectedness of body, mind and spirit. What happens in the body does effect the mind and the spirit -- and vice-versa. What we think about and dwell on effects us spiritually, emotionally and physically. What happens in our physical body impacts our spirit and our minds. How do we interpret the events we are experiencing? What meaning will we assign to them?

Then we have the emotions. They are easily swayed by our thoughts and actions, in fact, they are a product of what we think about and how we behave. Behaviour + Thoughts = Feelings. We often think change will come when we feel better/differently. The problem with that theory is the feelings come last! So we have to change what we tell ourselves and how we act, in order to change how we feel.

This is why it is so important to remember that our parts are interconnected. We end up in all forms of trouble when we think that what we do in one realm does not effect the others. This is also why we need balance and moderation in our whole being.

Practical example time -- care of the body requires that we fuel our body appropriately so it can operate and take care of it with moderate levels of activity/exercise, rest, medical care as needed and personal hygiene. This is not to be our priority each day, it is one part of being a balanced whole! Our present culture has become overly focused on the pursuit of physical beauty and extreme fitness. The word 'body' is mentioned 255 times in the Bible and little of that has to do with its care. It's pretty basic - 'feed and care for it' Ephesians 5:29 and know that it is the perishable part of our being - 'While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it's not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life,' II Corinthians 5:4. Our external appearance is not supposed to be our focus. "The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" I Samuel 16:7b.

This does not mean we are to neglect the proper care of our body. Too many people have decided to fuel the body's desires and this is not balanced either -- it crosses over into the practice of hedonism, which is the pursuit of personal pleasure as the final aim. This leads to a serving of the body and doing 'whatever feels good.' We are not supposed to indulge in excess or gluttony. Our bodies are to be offered up to God as 'instruments of righteousness' (Romans 6:13) -- they are the living residence of the Holy Spirit and we are called to honour God with our body (I Corinthians 6:19-20).

The interconnectedness of 'the triple threat' is seen further in Proverbs 18:14, 'The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a crushed spirit?" Thus the need to care for the spirit. If we spend time caring for our body during the day, don't we also need to care for the spirit each day? Quiet time for reflection, prayer, Bible reading, praise, gratitude, meditation, worship music and journaling are just a few ways to care for the spirit. And how do we care for our mind? Pay attention to what we are thinking about -- knowing that it does matter what we entertain in our thoughts and fill our minds with. Our minds are to be set 'on what the Spirit desires...the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace" (Romans 8:5b-6). "Working out" each day and then neglecting the rest of our being is neglect and leads to disaster. The source of what defiles/spoils us is our heart (Mark 7:15) and we are told to guard our hearts for they are they wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23). This takes intention and mindfulness -- potentially changing our daily priorities.

The challenge then becomes to remember that we are body, mind, and soul/spirit -- each part flowing into the other. Being mindful to nurture each part so the interconnectedness fuels wholeness and health. Balance. Moderation. Wholeness.

Trust - a dirty word?

When you think about trusting someone, what comes to mind? What makes a person trustworthy? Is it because you have known them a long time or because of them proving themselves to be reliable? Is reliable the same as trustworthy? Trust seems to be one of the most difficult things for us to do as human beings. Multiple times in the Bible we read the phrase, "Trust in the Lord." Easier said than done! I especially like "Trust in the Lord and do not be afraid" (wish sarcasm had its own font!!) The word 'trust' is used 103 times in the Bible -- sensing a theme! It literally means 'trust in; to have confidence, be confident; to be bold; to be secure.'

I like the thought of security. I like to know what is going to happen. My human nature tends to default to believing that I trust the Lord with everything, and then me trying to figure it all out and make it happen through my own abilities. Not that I don't mean well but I can easily slip from being in a position of trusting God and walking in submission to His purposes for me, and moving into my own agenda and control of the situation. Let's just clear something up with regard to that even dirtier word, submission -- the best picture I ever learned of what submission really looks like is 'to lean into.' When we lean into God and cooperate with Him, the task is easier and we have His power available and enabling us to do anything.

So why is it so hard to trust? Why do I struggle with staying in a place of submission to God's will and leaning into Him? It would appear that my human nature wants to be in control of what is going on and to know what is going to happen next. Trusting God means walking in darkness with a flashlight beam's worth of light shining at your feet. God knows where we are going and what the next step entails. So why can't I just trust Him with that and just walk? It would seem that we truly cannot fathom our God or understand His ways. We lack an eternal perspective and cannot begin to comprehend what God is doing and why.

I was praying 'not my will but Yours' -- that's what sparked all this T-word stuff. Can I trust the Lord no matter what, for the working out of His eternal purposes? Jesus prayed that same prayer and submitted Himself fully to the will of the Father in order to accomplish God's ultimate and eternal purpose of salvation for us. Yet Jesus was fully human and fully God. I can't imagine the internal distress and conflict that must have been for Him! To know that He had to fight His human will and allow people to abuse, traumatize  and murder Him without exercising His Divine Identity and Power. Talk about self-control! Especially in light of our human nature default to want to take control. Jesus so easily could have said, "How dare you punch the Son of God!" Lightning bolt = pile of smokin' ash. "Forget it God, I am NOT going to stand for this!" Dramatic roar, slow motion tearing off of the sarcastic purple cloak and the abusers running in terror.

He didn't. He felt it. He asked God to take this suffering away from Him and to accomplish His purposes in some other way. He pleaded in prayer with the Father to the point where blood secreted out of His sweat glands, a medical phenomenon that is seen rarely at points of extreme stress. Jesus chose to trust His Father with the plan. He leaned into God's purposes for salvation & redemption, and allowed God to work through Him to accomplish His eternal purposes.

Will we? Will we choose to trust God's heart and love for us, even if we don't know what the next steps are? I am trying to lean into God and trust Him more and more fully with my life. I'm trying to do that without being afraid and you know what I'm finding in the midst of that? I'm finding God's peace. Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

Don't Wait and See

 Ah summer time! Time to enjoy the summer sunshine, the warm breezes, the refreshing rains, and if you're lucky enough, the crashing waves of the ocean as you relax on a beach somewhere! We have been enjoying some time in Southern California and there is no lack of potential clients running, biking, rollerblading and power walking down the walkways by the beach.
I am very distressed by the number of women, and men, who are tirelessly pursuing the unattainable standards being purported by our culture's obsession with thinness. I want to scream and tell them all to stop! To just live their lives to the fullest -- having fun and enjoying their day at the beach. To not care what others may or may not be thinking of them, but to just relax and enjoy the body that God has given them. In Ephesians 5:28 it reads, "In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies." The writer of Ephesians is not promoting a narcissistic, self-absorbed obsession with self-love! The Greek word for love means 'to be well pleased, to be contented at or with a thing.'


Can you imagine? What would our world be like if we could actually just love our bodies in an appropriate God-honouring, self-honouring way? To be 'well pleased/contented' with our bodies -- thus allowing us to get on with just living and squeezing the most out of each moment of this life! Just take care of your body in a balanced way. Moderate eating. Moderate physical activity. (You don't even need to walk into a gym)! The Canada Food Guide gives an overview of all the basic food groups and what appropriate portion sizing looks like. Eat a variety of those foods, in moderation, and you'll be fuelling your body in an effective way. It's all about portion size and frequency. Once you've started a practice of moderation, choose to love and accept your body for what it is -- a carrying case for your soul and mind to get to the beach!

If you have an eating disorder or struggle with disordered eating like restricting or overeating/binging, don't 'wait and see' what happens as your day wears on. Make a plan for how you are going to make your day successful. 'Waiting to see' opens the door to rationalizing, minimizing and denial, three very ugly bedfellows! One of the struggles with 'slipping' as you endeavour to change any destructive behaviour is that all or nothing thinking often kicks in like a pendulum swinging from one ineffective side to the other. This can set the stage for further slipping as you might rationalize that 'today is wrecked' so might as well blow it for the rest of the day and get on track tomorrow. So don't wait and see! As you can see from this photo I took at the beach, this little girl is about to find out what happens when you 'wait and see' what a brother does with a lot of sand! Make a plan - be strategic and determine what you need to do today in order to be successful. Ignoring the problem doesn't make it go away, it only leaves you wide open to messing up and getting discouraged. Being strategic reinforces that you have the ability to make significant, effective change -- that you can succeed!