RIP Robin Williams - the pain of depression

One of my favourite actors died today. I was shocked when I saw the headline -- Robin Williams, dead at 63. As I read the article and discovered that he had been struggling with depression, I wasn't as surprised. I knew Williams had a history with depression, possibly bi-polar disorder, or so it was rumoured at one point. 

Clinical depression is such a devastating illness. Mental illness is so serious and requires proper attention and treatment. Depression isn't 'having a bad day' or choosing to just stay in your pyjamas and go back to bed. Depression is a medical condition in which the brain does not properly maintain levels of serotonin and/or norepinephrine - neurotransmitters in the brain that stabilize mood, sleep, energy levels, appetite, memory and more. 

Depression turns a normal functioning brain into a tunnel of narrow darkness. You stop seeing possibilities. You become hopeless. You just want the pain to end as you lose your joy. Suicidal thoughts feed off of the disturbing shift in mood and sadness. Depressed persons start to erroneously believe that their loved ones will be better off without them. This is simply not true! (I have worked with too many of the so-called 'survivors of suicide' and I can tell you, they NEVER get over it! They are forever devastated). No one commits suicide in their right mind. It is a mental illness. And a mental illness is a medical issue/physical disorder. Period.

Refuse the stigma. Mental illness can be treated! Medication, therapy and faith work to treat depression. Reach out and get help. No one needs to suffer like the beautiful spirit of Robin Williams. 

My favourite movie -- "Mrs. Doubtfire." "It was a drive-by fruiting!" RIP Robin. Rest in Peace.

Image Credit: Dave Hogan/Getty Images

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It's Been A Long Hard Winter

It's been a while since I blogged. Quite a while. You may have even forgot that I had a blog! I thought of it once in a while. Laid down and the thought passed. Thought about it again. Thought about what to say and share -- didn't come up with a whole lot. At least much that I figured would be helpful to anyone else. But you know what? Sometimes the richness of God's best soil develops after a long hard winter where there has been seemingly little good and far too much barren harshness. That's kind of how I have felt this past year. Almost four and a half years of chronic pain and blessed little answers. I'm now to the point of surrendering. Not to the pain - heck no! I will fight the pain 'til I die! I am surrendering to God's purposes in and through this. Do I know what He is doing? Nope. But He does. Can I see any good coming out of this?? Bits. Glimmers. Glimpses.

The Bible tells us that Jesus was well-acquainted with our sufferings. That He experienced pain -- some of the worst physical pain imaginable through the process of crucifixion. It was pretty much the pain that killed him as he suffocated. He suffered emotional, mental and spiritual pain as well -- that even evidenced itself through a process of physical distress wherein the blood came out his pores with sweat (it's a rare condition called hematidrosis). How can we think we are not interconnected?! The physical affecting the emotional, mental and spiritual -- and any combination thereof. Pain is part of this life -- it actually has a very poignant way of pointing us toward the eternal -- life beyond the brokenness of this fallen world.

Joni Eareckson Tada knows pain more than anyone I know. She has written several books on suffering and I love her writing. “Suffering provides the gym equipment on which my faith can be exercised.”

(From her book, "Suffering, Making Sense of Suffering).

Faith definitely gets a workout through times of suffering and struggle. We are forced to work through our beliefs and choose to believe -- to keep believing -- to walk in faith through the blistering storms where we cannot see. Anything. 'Til after. Maybe. Here's what I do know. When I trust God and walk in faith. I find peace. And ultimately, I find joy. Or maybe, they find me.

Photo graciously provided by my lovely friend, Brenda Fidelak, who truly knows what it is to dance in the rain!

I'm not gonna lie, it's been a rough summer. My chronic pain has hit all time highs as I have undergone a treatment called prolotherapy. The treatment involves a six inch syringe and 25 injections into my lower back with the hope that it might stimulate some new healing into my area of chronic pain. Initially it was supposed to be six treatments over the summer/fall season, one treatment every two weeks. It has ended up being an initial session with a second treatment two weeks later -- followed by another treatment in a month, then a third treatment and now taking a two month break. We are giving it some time in between to allow for possible variance in healing times. It doesn't seem to be working. Sigh. In fact, it made everything worse, including my levels of pain. Discouragement is a word that comes to mind!

Pain is not just a physical issue but affects a person mentally, emotionally and spiritually. As this blog tries to focus on, we are integrated beings. What happens to us physically does affect us mentally and so on. I have truly experienced this at a deeper level over the past few months. Increasing chronic levels of pain wear on your spirit. They drain your energy physically and emotionally. Life can easily become a series of just getting through what one absolutely has to do and then trying to recovery from it.

Discouragement crept in. Some despair. Frustration. I believe in a God who can heal, who does divine healing. I believe He can and hope that He will. So far He has not. Most of the time I do pretty good with this. Waiting on God. Leaning into Him. Standing on the truths that I know, regardless of whether I feel like they are true or not.

Then the nausea came. A month or so of nausea, stomach upset and other little goodies that I won't bother to share with you. That on top of the pain, and trying to work, continue with life, family, etc., was starting to push me - body, soul & spirit - under the waves. I could relate to David in the Psalms -- I cried out to the Lord, desperately! Lord, HELP ME! Heal me! Save me! Nothing. So weary. I kept asking. My prayers became rote at times. Desperate yet starting to wonder how this could be God's best for me. I believe that I am called by God to be a counsellor -- to help my clients find freedom and healing -- and I sensed no release from my vocation but I was feeling beyond overwhelm. What now?!??! Feeling weary and sick in my body, mind, emotions and spirit, my whole being was being affected by the chronicity of the worsening pain.

We went to pray with our Pastor on Tuesday. It was a great time of fellowship, ministry, teaching and prayer for my husband and I. Thanks be to God that He works in our lives and through the lives of others to encourage, bolster and bless! We asked God for HIS best in my life -- and we did ask for physical healing as well. I think I'd been spending too much time asking God to heal (which we are told to do -- persevering prayer!) but not fully aligning myself with WHATEVER He would have for me. The bottom line, biggest take away that the Lord gave to me through that prayer time was this, I need to abide in Him, continually. Always. "God is Light

and in Him there is no darkness at all (I John 1:5)." We are told in vs. 7 to 'walk in the Light as He is in the Light." Jesus exemplified this for us. He did nothing on His own agenda but plugged Himself into the power and the will of the Father, as an example for us. Chronic pain is darkness. When I focus on it, I don't see where I'm going. I get overwhelmed and my body, soul and spirit become exhausted. When I bring myself into the Light of God, there is NO darkness. I am choosing to walk in His Light, with Jesus interceding for me and giving me grace in the mean time. Will I be healed this side of Heaven? I don't know, but what I do know is that God is Light and in Him there is no darkness, and that is where I will anchor myself.

The Journey is the Destination

Not entirely sure who actually said, "The journey is the destination" but I've said it before so will use it for now! Sometimes we get so busy in this life and focused on where we are headed to that we miss all that is going on in the present. We hear sayings like "stop and smell the roses" yet we seem to think we've got more important things to do -- have to get somewhere, fast! Yet the real purpose of living this life is to experience it.

One of my favourite verses is Psalm 27:13, "Yet I am confident I will see the LORD’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living." I love it, I claim it, I call God out on it -- I am confident, I believe that I will see/experience the goodness of the Lord while I am still here on this earth. This is not just a promise we can look forward to and hope for in heaven, where "He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever” Rev. 21:4. This is here and now in THIS journey!

When we push hurriedly through life trying to get everything 'done' we can miss the cues that God hard-wired into us. Physical cues that let us know when we are hungry, tired, sick and/or in pain. Emotional cues that tell us when we are getting violated, falling in love or needing to be courageous. When we ignore our cues we actually end up detaching from that part of our being; we have to in order to shut the cues off! So what happens? We train ourselves to stop listening to ourselves! I'm not talking about the odd time when circumstances require us to push past fatigue to get something finished because of a due date. I'm talking about the chronic choice to disregard our body, soul and spirit's cues to take care of our being. This creates another problem. When the cues are missed they do not simply go away but they get turned into unmet needs and longings that will often get met in destructive and ineffective ways.

So what's the answer? Tune back into yourself. Look for and identify your cues -- for hunger, fullness, sleep, connection, rest, medication, treatment, etc. Pay attention to them, even when it's not convenient! Stay attached with yourself and be present in your daily life. There are two different kinds of time. Chronos time, which is the Greek word for chronological, sequential time -- it is quantitative. The second type is kairos time, which is qualitative in nature.  It means a moment of indeterminate time in which something special happens/'the supreme moment.'  The photo represents kairos time! But that doesn't mean you have to be on a beach somewhere (although it certainly helps! :-). It simply means being present and attached to your life -- living in the very moment in which you are in rather than striving to get somewhere else. Enjoy the journey -- it is the destination.

"But I Want To!"

How often have you uttered the words, "but I want to!?" We expect this kind of stubborn, pouty-lipped exclamation from a toddler as they express their selfish desire to have their own way.  But when we stomp our feet as adults and solidify an unrelenting pose of arms crossed and willfulness fully in tact, our flesh pops out! That nasty evasive sin nature that requires careful discipline. The flesh.

It's that defiant wave we give to indicate that we know what we need to do and we're not going to do it! It's the 'nobody tells me what to do' attitude pumping up it's muscles. "But I want to!" Famous last words as we give into the sin nature and allow the flesh to dictate our choices, rather than the Holy Spirit. Instant gratification! There is nothing like it. Excess. Moving us outside of moderation and balance. Do I need another piece of cake? No. Can I stop engaging in that addiction that is hanging over my head? Yes, but I want to...have it, take it, drink it, eat it, look at it, do it! I WANT!! 

But what about the consequences? It's harming me spiritually and physically -- it's effecting my relationships and harming my moods. "But I want to!!" Our flesh pleads with us to give in and just 'do it' like Nike commands. What's the big deal? Nobody needs to know. When was the last time you did it? You deserve a reward -- you've had a hard day! It will feel/taste/smell/sound good! At least while it lasts. There's a reason we give into our flesh nature and sin. Because it does feel good, in the moment. That's why we struggle with it. B

ut sin leads to death. Romans 6:2 says, "Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?...We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. (6:6). "Don't you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living (Romans 6:16)."

And the great thing is, we CAN do all things through Christ who gives us strength. ALL things, not some or most (Phillipians 4:13). God has given us the Holy Spirit as a resource to provide us with all we need in this regard. The fruit of the Holy Spirit includes self-control. We can say no and survive. We can break habits and walk in victory over addiction. God has not called us to live a mediocre 'meh' life but an abundant one. We are overcomers through Christ Jesus. Romans 8:37 says, "No, despite all these things [if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death], overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us."

Next time you're tempted to give in and allow the flesh to impose it's two year-old persona on you, say no! Use the power and presence of the Holy Spirit in you to choose what is truly best for you. You are not a slave to the basal urges of the fleshly nature. You are an overcomer in Jesus Christ! Live in your freedom.

Pseudo Connection and Other Maladies

What a beautiful day to be at the beach. The blue sky, warm sunshine, pelicans doing a fly-by, white sugar sand and azure gulf waters crashing down in rhythmic waves. Ahhhh. Lovely. We even met a true local, a great blue heron literally walking alongside us at the beach. What a graceful and beautiful bird! He was chilling out. Hoping that someone might hand him a fish so he didn't have to do any work today!

As I watched the activity of children of all ages, some well into their elder years. I noticed a similar theme. Relaxation. Play. Rest. One little boy ran with such anticipation into the waves that he couldn't help but squeal with glee as he ran across the sand. Another group of kids was lining up to do battle with the ocean -- leaping up into the waves and getting pushed back with each wave. Only to get up and do it all over again.

Sometimes we forget to chill out and be leisurely. To shut off (or at least ignore) the technological gadgets that we seem to think we need to take with us everywhere lest we miss some tidbit of ongoing drama in someone else's life or heaven forbid, miss a call or text or Facebook message from a friend or family member! Do you remember the days before cellphones? I even remember calling people who didn't even have an answering machine, gasp! You actually had to call again later if you were still wanting to speak to that person. And it was okay. We actually had more time without constant distraction and pleas for attention. We could sit and read a book or go for a walk or take a drive and actually be present in the moment.

When was the last time you shut off your cellphone and electronics and spent uninterrupted time with the people you love? Giving them your full attention. Enjoying time together. Being present in the moment fully. Truly connecting with each other. People are starting to experience more and more loneliness and it's not for lack of texting and the like. It's that pseudo connection via text and Facebook and electronic means does not truly give us connection. Having hundreds of friends on Facebook does not replace the need to be truly known. We don't experience community during online streaming or a podcast. These are all good things but they don't replace the valid need of real, gritty, present connection with someone. Whether it's God, our partner, our family or friends, the intimacy of those relationships is compounded when we honour that person with our authentic engagement in the time spent in their presence. 

Next time your child comes to tell you something wonderful (or painful), your partner or dear friend starts talking to you, turn off the distractions and give them your undistracted attention. Soak it in. Connect. And be connected.

Lessons from Botox

I am not the typical kind of woman who would get botox to make my lip pout or erase a wrinkle, those are battle scars won by a life well lived and I'm keeping 'em! However, in my journey through chronic pain I have encountered botox as a treatment for pain. I had read that migraines were being successfully treated with botox injections but was rather surprised when my pain rehabilitation doctor suggested we do some injections. So this past week I went for my appointment, a vial of botox in hand -- essentially a neuro-toxin smear on the bottom of a glass vial. This stuff is worth more than gold! That little smear was $385.00 at Costco, ranging up over $500-600 at other pharmacies. Thank the Lord it was covered by my drug plan. Whew!

The doctor explained how the botox would work, what it would do and how he was going to inject it. The lengthy needles made me a little bit little-headed so I directed my thoughts to fond memories of playing on the beach when I was young, a.k.a. my happy place! He started on the back and did four injections, two into the erector muscles - the ones that hold you up - and two for the iliosacrial ligaments. "Great," I thought -- "I'm going to have a butt like Joan River's face!" Happy place, happy place... Then I rolled over to receive the more substantial needle into my psoas muscle. I didn't even know about this muscle before that day. But it is the lengthy, strong and substantial muscle that actually runs from the spine, through the pelvis and out into the front of the hip! One deep injection - HAPPPYYYY PPPLLAACCEEEE!! We have since seen this muscle is appropriately named pso-as, because it certainly contributes to that pain!

Since then I have experienced flu-like symptoms including a severe headache. They say it takes 4-7 days for the botox to work and essentially paralyze the muscle. I think it's coming. What I didn't expect is that when you deaden a major muscle in your hip flexor it makes it harder to walk and causes some pain in other areas as the body has to compensate for these muscles that are now failing to fire. I was just looking forward to these muscles coming out of their spasmatic state and providing pain relief!

It made me think of the analogy of us being the 'body of Christ.' How each part of the body is needed and works in conjunction with the others. Romans 12:4-6 says, "Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ's body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you." The passage goes on to talk about the different gifts that God has granted us - teaching, helping, leadership - and how each person's gifts are important and designed for a purpose. Ultimately, we need each other. We need to work together. Being alive and part of community is so important -- don't be a botoxed believer; paralyzed and deadened so that you don't function properly and neglect using the gifts that God has given to you. God created us to be inter-dependent - not fiercely independent or grossly over-dependent. Interdependence promotes individuality, freedom and responsibility, in the context of supportive community. If you are botoxed right now, hang in there. It wears off in about three months. Then you can reactivate and get involved. Take your rightful place in the body and bring glory to the God who created you, loves you and has gifted you!

Resiliency -- Something We Really Need

Why is it that two people raised in the same home can end up so differently? Even identical twins can endure the same kind of trauma and be effected in totally different ways. During the brunt force of trauma a person can implode and fracture. They can explode and destroy. Or they can survive and thrive as they heal. So why do some people pass through horrific trials and trauma and come out the other side with peaceful smiles on their faces?

Corrie Ten Boom is one such person. She is one of the most resilient people I have ever heard of. She was a Dutch woman whose family helped save the lives of over 800 jews and numerous members of the Dutch Underground. Not only did she live through the holocaust and three horrendous concentration camps that stole the lives of her sister, father and one other family member. Corrie Ten Boom didn't just survive. She overcame her imprisonment and found peace and freedom in forgiveness. She went on to write books and share what she learned through her trials "There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still" and "God will give us the love to be able to forgive our enemies."   (Read more at http://www.corrietenboom.com).

Walking on the beach in Galveston I found this shell. I'm a bit of a fanatic when it comes to shelling! I am intrigued by the shape, colour, texture and personality of these shells. This white shell was so thin it was almost translucent, yet it had endured being tossed around in a roiling ocean. Tiny ridges detailed this shell as you can see -- intricate, fragile and yet so very resilient! I found a number of shells like this one -- sturdy little fellas! I was also looking for some bigger more colourful shells that had a big circular spiral  to them. I found lots of pieces but no whole shells. It was rather ironic to see these bigger, substantial creatures with thick shells broken to pieces while these thin little white ones were basking in the sunshine on a Texan beach.

So what makes one shell more resilient than an other? What makes one person more resilient than another? What are the markers of resiliency? Can we make ourselves more resilient or is just innate? Resiliency is the ability to withstand shock and crisis without permanent damage – an ability to recover from or adjust relatively easily to misfortune or change.

Here are some things that build resiliency:
- Laugh more.
- Re-cast situations/challenge your perspectives.
- Look for the good rather than focusing on the negative.
- Forgive those who have harmed you.
- Look for opportunities to do something different, then do it!
- Laugh more.
- Remember that you have choice; choose to be grateful and hopeful.

This is where the Serenity Prayer affords such wisdom (in its entirety):

"God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 

Enjoying one moment at a time; 

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; 

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life 

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen."                  -- Reinhold Niebuhr

We cannot change who we have been but we can change who we become. By the grace of God, may we become more resilient and experience the peace of a life well-lived and a contented smile. "For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11b-13.

The Triple Threat - Body, Mind & Spirit

In this journey through chronic pain, I have become even more aware of the interconnectedness of body, mind and spirit. What happens in the body does effect the mind and the spirit -- and vice-versa. What we think about and dwell on effects us spiritually, emotionally and physically. What happens in our physical body impacts our spirit and our minds. How do we interpret the events we are experiencing? What meaning will we assign to them?

Then we have the emotions. They are easily swayed by our thoughts and actions, in fact, they are a product of what we think about and how we behave. Behaviour + Thoughts = Feelings. We often think change will come when we feel better/differently. The problem with that theory is the feelings come last! So we have to change what we tell ourselves and how we act, in order to change how we feel.

This is why it is so important to remember that our parts are interconnected. We end up in all forms of trouble when we think that what we do in one realm does not effect the others. This is also why we need balance and moderation in our whole being.

Practical example time -- care of the body requires that we fuel our body appropriately so it can operate and take care of it with moderate levels of activity/exercise, rest, medical care as needed and personal hygiene. This is not to be our priority each day, it is one part of being a balanced whole! Our present culture has become overly focused on the pursuit of physical beauty and extreme fitness. The word 'body' is mentioned 255 times in the Bible and little of that has to do with its care. It's pretty basic - 'feed and care for it' Ephesians 5:29 and know that it is the perishable part of our being - 'While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it's not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life,' II Corinthians 5:4. Our external appearance is not supposed to be our focus. "The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" I Samuel 16:7b.

This does not mean we are to neglect the proper care of our body. Too many people have decided to fuel the body's desires and this is not balanced either -- it crosses over into the practice of hedonism, which is the pursuit of personal pleasure as the final aim. This leads to a serving of the body and doing 'whatever feels good.' We are not supposed to indulge in excess or gluttony. Our bodies are to be offered up to God as 'instruments of righteousness' (Romans 6:13) -- they are the living residence of the Holy Spirit and we are called to honour God with our body (I Corinthians 6:19-20).

The interconnectedness of 'the triple threat' is seen further in Proverbs 18:14, 'The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a crushed spirit?" Thus the need to care for the spirit. If we spend time caring for our body during the day, don't we also need to care for the spirit each day? Quiet time for reflection, prayer, Bible reading, praise, gratitude, meditation, worship music and journaling are just a few ways to care for the spirit. And how do we care for our mind? Pay attention to what we are thinking about -- knowing that it does matter what we entertain in our thoughts and fill our minds with. Our minds are to be set 'on what the Spirit desires...the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace" (Romans 8:5b-6). "Working out" each day and then neglecting the rest of our being is neglect and leads to disaster. The source of what defiles/spoils us is our heart (Mark 7:15) and we are told to guard our hearts for they are they wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23). This takes intention and mindfulness -- potentially changing our daily priorities.

The challenge then becomes to remember that we are body, mind, and soul/spirit -- each part flowing into the other. Being mindful to nurture each part so the interconnectedness fuels wholeness and health. Balance. Moderation. Wholeness.

Trust - a dirty word?

When you think about trusting someone, what comes to mind? What makes a person trustworthy? Is it because you have known them a long time or because of them proving themselves to be reliable? Is reliable the same as trustworthy? Trust seems to be one of the most difficult things for us to do as human beings. Multiple times in the Bible we read the phrase, "Trust in the Lord." Easier said than done! I especially like "Trust in the Lord and do not be afraid" (wish sarcasm had its own font!!) The word 'trust' is used 103 times in the Bible -- sensing a theme! It literally means 'trust in; to have confidence, be confident; to be bold; to be secure.'

I like the thought of security. I like to know what is going to happen. My human nature tends to default to believing that I trust the Lord with everything, and then me trying to figure it all out and make it happen through my own abilities. Not that I don't mean well but I can easily slip from being in a position of trusting God and walking in submission to His purposes for me, and moving into my own agenda and control of the situation. Let's just clear something up with regard to that even dirtier word, submission -- the best picture I ever learned of what submission really looks like is 'to lean into.' When we lean into God and cooperate with Him, the task is easier and we have His power available and enabling us to do anything.

So why is it so hard to trust? Why do I struggle with staying in a place of submission to God's will and leaning into Him? It would appear that my human nature wants to be in control of what is going on and to know what is going to happen next. Trusting God means walking in darkness with a flashlight beam's worth of light shining at your feet. God knows where we are going and what the next step entails. So why can't I just trust Him with that and just walk? It would seem that we truly cannot fathom our God or understand His ways. We lack an eternal perspective and cannot begin to comprehend what God is doing and why.

I was praying 'not my will but Yours' -- that's what sparked all this T-word stuff. Can I trust the Lord no matter what, for the working out of His eternal purposes? Jesus prayed that same prayer and submitted Himself fully to the will of the Father in order to accomplish God's ultimate and eternal purpose of salvation for us. Yet Jesus was fully human and fully God. I can't imagine the internal distress and conflict that must have been for Him! To know that He had to fight His human will and allow people to abuse, traumatize  and murder Him without exercising His Divine Identity and Power. Talk about self-control! Especially in light of our human nature default to want to take control. Jesus so easily could have said, "How dare you punch the Son of God!" Lightning bolt = pile of smokin' ash. "Forget it God, I am NOT going to stand for this!" Dramatic roar, slow motion tearing off of the sarcastic purple cloak and the abusers running in terror.

He didn't. He felt it. He asked God to take this suffering away from Him and to accomplish His purposes in some other way. He pleaded in prayer with the Father to the point where blood secreted out of His sweat glands, a medical phenomenon that is seen rarely at points of extreme stress. Jesus chose to trust His Father with the plan. He leaned into God's purposes for salvation & redemption, and allowed God to work through Him to accomplish His eternal purposes.

Will we? Will we choose to trust God's heart and love for us, even if we don't know what the next steps are? I am trying to lean into God and trust Him more and more fully with my life. I'm trying to do that without being afraid and you know what I'm finding in the midst of that? I'm finding God's peace. Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

Don't Wait and See

 Ah summer time! Time to enjoy the summer sunshine, the warm breezes, the refreshing rains, and if you're lucky enough, the crashing waves of the ocean as you relax on a beach somewhere! We have been enjoying some time in Southern California and there is no lack of potential clients running, biking, rollerblading and power walking down the walkways by the beach.
I am very distressed by the number of women, and men, who are tirelessly pursuing the unattainable standards being purported by our culture's obsession with thinness. I want to scream and tell them all to stop! To just live their lives to the fullest -- having fun and enjoying their day at the beach. To not care what others may or may not be thinking of them, but to just relax and enjoy the body that God has given them. In Ephesians 5:28 it reads, "In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies." The writer of Ephesians is not promoting a narcissistic, self-absorbed obsession with self-love! The Greek word for love means 'to be well pleased, to be contented at or with a thing.'


Can you imagine? What would our world be like if we could actually just love our bodies in an appropriate God-honouring, self-honouring way? To be 'well pleased/contented' with our bodies -- thus allowing us to get on with just living and squeezing the most out of each moment of this life! Just take care of your body in a balanced way. Moderate eating. Moderate physical activity. (You don't even need to walk into a gym)! The Canada Food Guide gives an overview of all the basic food groups and what appropriate portion sizing looks like. Eat a variety of those foods, in moderation, and you'll be fuelling your body in an effective way. It's all about portion size and frequency. Once you've started a practice of moderation, choose to love and accept your body for what it is -- a carrying case for your soul and mind to get to the beach!

If you have an eating disorder or struggle with disordered eating like restricting or overeating/binging, don't 'wait and see' what happens as your day wears on. Make a plan for how you are going to make your day successful. 'Waiting to see' opens the door to rationalizing, minimizing and denial, three very ugly bedfellows! One of the struggles with 'slipping' as you endeavour to change any destructive behaviour is that all or nothing thinking often kicks in like a pendulum swinging from one ineffective side to the other. This can set the stage for further slipping as you might rationalize that 'today is wrecked' so might as well blow it for the rest of the day and get on track tomorrow. So don't wait and see! As you can see from this photo I took at the beach, this little girl is about to find out what happens when you 'wait and see' what a brother does with a lot of sand! Make a plan - be strategic and determine what you need to do today in order to be successful. Ignoring the problem doesn't make it go away, it only leaves you wide open to messing up and getting discouraged. Being strategic reinforces that you have the ability to make significant, effective change -- that you can succeed! 
  

Body, Mind, Soul AND Spirit - equal care?

In my work as an eating disorder's specialist and Registered Psychologist, I frequent the dark side of our culture's obsession with physical appearance. It is not a nice place to see so often. "Health, fitness, weight loss, leaning down, etc." all about becoming a 'better you.' Really? Is it actually 'better' to be obsessed with one's physical appearance and adhering to our culture's tremendous imbalance of what dictates beauty? Research is finally getting past the pharmaceutical companies and multimillion dollar diet industry to release true statistics about physical health.

Let's review some of these facts: 1. Diets don't work (yet what is the topic of frequent conversations with friends in our lives?!). The sad thing is it's proven! Diets DON'T work!! In fact, they create what is now formally called 'weight cycling' which is proven to be very destructive and damaging to our physical bodies, let alone what it does to our self-esteem and mental health. Frequent dieting causes the body to actually move it's weight set-point higher and higher, which leads to additional weight gain after recurring bouts of harsh/extreme weight loss attempts driven by imbalance in diet or exercise.

2. Being leaner doesn't necessarily make you more healthy. This argument falls right back into the place of balance and moderation. Optimum health is found in a place of balance, within your body's natural weight range, not in morbid obesity and not in a place of extreme leanness, even if you don't meet the criteria for anorexia. Being too lean can damage the body's organs and lead to other forms of illness, including increased infertility in women and problems with reproduction.

3. Being in one's best health is not confined to physical fitness! If that is the focus of all that you do...daily obsession with food, fitness and what you're doing with your body in pursuit of 'health,' then you are incredibly out of balance! The care of body needs to be in balance with the amount of time, energy, focus and resource you put towards the care of your mind, soul and spirit! Think about it being a pie -- does your physical care take up more than 25% of your time, focus and energy? If so, your life is out of balance and you may be in danger of developing orthorexia nervosa -- a mental disorder that focuses on 'being healthy' to an extreme. One's extreme practices with food and exercise are buffered with the plea that you are 'just being healthy.' But it controls your life -- imbalanced focus on exercise, 'healthy eating' (which enforces the misbelief that there are good foods vs. bad foods rather than the truth that food is just fuel and there are bad portion sizes and bad frequency, but everything is okay within the scope of moderation!).

4. Having more muscle than fat/being 'leaner' and more fit does NOT make you a 'better' person. In all likelihood it gives you a puffed up sense of self-importance and superiority over those who aren't as 'fit,' possibly even judging the hearts of those who don't 'measure up' to your standard of fitness/food obsession -- thinking that they are somehow lacking in self-discipline or are 'weak minded.' This tends to lead to a place where judgment becomes the filter by which you compare yourself to others (which becomes a losing battle all on its own as there will always be someone more muscular, more lean, more anorexic, etc). Obsession with anything leads to imbalance. Judging people based on physical appearance and the externals is not only wrong according to Biblical standards, it turns you into a self-absorbed person who starts to base their self-worth on keeping up their own appearances. A dangerous place to 'store' the basis for your worth and value!

5. Moderation works. Period. The Bible directs us continually towards moderation and balance.  Moderate eating, moderate levels of physical activity, moderate work, moderate rest, moderate spending of resources, etc. The only problem with moderation is that it doesn't sell! People want quick fixes -- they want instant gratification and 'microwave convenience.' They want to correct a lifetime of poor choices with a simple plan -- 'can't I just fix everything in my life in one easy step?! A personal trainer? A therapist? A gym membership? A diet program?' Well, have we got a deal for you! That's why health and wellness is literally the largest, multibillion dollar industry -- feeding on the lie that pursuit of physical fitness/external appearance is the highest pursuit! Someone is making a good living from you struggling with the same lie that they are perpetuating. Clever!

The other problem is that moderation takes time and requires process. As human beings we typically cringe at having to tolerate distress and work through process. Moderation is actually the most cost effective and sustainable method of change. It almost sounds too easy. It moves you away from all or nothing thinking and into 'some.' From years of working with eating disordered clients I can honestly profess to you and endorse that the correction to binge eating, emotional eating, over exercise, restriction with food, and every other form of food/exercise imbalance is to practice moderation. Don't swing to the opposite end of the pendulum only to the middle. Moderation IS the correction! Make your physical activity something enjoyable -- walking, swimming, playing volleyball/soccer, play with little kids, walk the dog, do housework, gardening, yard work, etc. Enjoyment increases sustainability. Moderation truly brings about the most sustainable and effective method of change.


2 Corinthians 4:10-11 says, "Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies." What if we focused on how Jesus can be seen through us? Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit - "Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?" I Corinthians 6:19. The focus is not to adorn the temple and worship the temple! This is idolatry! We are to use the temple to 'honour God with your body.' (6:20).

Our bodies are the carrying case for our spirit. Wouldn't it be more wise to invest our time and energy and resource into the part of us that is eternal rather than scrambling about madly as though we can fight our own mortality? Our bodies are dying. They are perishable goods. Take care of your body in appropriate, MODERATE means. Then use that vessel to give honour and glory to God -- by pursuing wholeness and wellness in body, mind, soul and spirit.

Use your imagination!

As I lay on the pier looking into the crystal clear waters beneath me, I feel like I'm gazing into a huge aquarium, with beautiful, colourful fish darting past. I see some children running after each other. Their laughter is contagious! Their house is very small compared to North American standards. Most of the Belizean houses are smaller and raised up a few feet from the ground on stilts. The school 'boat' takes the kids off to school in San Pedro about nine miles away. I can't quite imagine what it would be like to live here year round, but it makes for a lovely, relaxed vacation!

These kids have so little! Probably a couple of toys or books. Are they happy? They run and laugh and play. They appear to be very happy. Our kids have so much -- rooms filled with toys! And yet they complain of boredom! 'There's nothing to do!' I remember years ago when my children were little, I ran across an article talking about the benefits of boredom for children. It struck me as being funny but the premise was that boredom spurs creativity. If we don't become bored we do not invent, imagine, and look outside of ourselves. I remember saying, "good!" when one of my children professed a state of boredom, "now you can be creative!"

I'm starting to think that the human imagination is at risk of extinction! Not just for children but for adults. We need to imagine -- to dream, to pretend, to think about possibilities, to create! Our society is so eager to avoid stillness that it seems to equate stillness with boredom, or even worse, laziness --considering it to be 'unproductive.' And heaven forbid that we not be busy or appear to be busy at all times! "What have you been up to lately?" is a common question. Why do we think it's praiseworthy to say, "Oh my, I've been so busy"...and go on to list the many endeavours we have undertaken or how we are filling up our time with this and that. Is it because we find our sense of worth and value in what we do or have done? This is a faulty base to build your self-worth on!

Psalm 46:10 reads, "Be still and know that I am God." To be still literally means to 'cease striving.' Isn't it productive to cease striving? To take care of oneself? To get to know God? Is it even possible to know God when we are so busy and distracted and entertained? The word entertain actually means to hold the attention of by amusing or distracting/diverting. In this culture of entertainment overload, it becomes increasingly difficult to practice stillness (a discipline that will only be used if you choose it!).  Stillness is also a conduit for creativity and the imagination. The less we use our imaginations and draw from what's inside us, the less satisfied we become.

Why is this? Maybe we were meant for something more than pleasing ourselves and being entertained. Perhaps our boredom is supposed to make us uneasy and cause us to think of other things, concepts, ideas, etc. To long, to dream, to envision -- perhaps stillness is a practice that we ought to pursue. Maybe we are creatures of imagination who require less stimulation and ease then we presently experience. Next time you are tempted to 'get busy' and 'be productive,' consider what it is you actually want to achieve. Do you want to add to the list of things you have to do or do you want to invest in the spirit and soul and mind that God has given you to use -- and possibly to connect more fully with Him?

Just imagine!

Don't you wish there were more signs like this as we walk through life?! The question is -- would we listen? Or would we ignore the sign and walk on the unsafe trail anyway? "Who are 'they' to tell me this trail isn't safe?!' or 'They can't tell ME not to walk on this trail!' Why are we so bent on following our own wills, especially in the face of apparent danger or warning?

A Spanish monk, named Carlos Villas, was riding his bicycle in the countryside of India when he came across a snake bobbing and weaving as it stared at a small bird. The bird was mesmerized by the snake. It's like he was being hypnotized by the gentle movements of the snake. Villas waved his arms and ran toward the pair. It was successful -- the snake's stare was broken and the bird broke free of his stupor and flew to safety.

Living under the stare of the snake is part of the human experience -- whether it is perfectionism, working too much, obsession with external appearance, pride, lust, greed, self-hatred or any number of addictive issues. As Gordon MacDonald writes in one of my all-time favorite books, "The Life God Blesses," -- "Who has the power to break the stare of the snake?...the power lies in the sacrificial death of Jesus the Savior...The result? The soul -- life below the waterline -- can be reclaimed, returned to its original purpose: to be a dwelling place for God and a source-point for exceptional living." He goes on to relay the starting point for transformation is when we make a 'root choice' to change direction.

When we are offered a choice -- when someone waves to break the stare of the snake and we wake up from our stupor and realize impending danger. What will we choose? Will we exert our willfulness and demand our own way or will we exercise our will in a willing way driven by desire for freedom and transformation?

This exemplifies the skill we teach in counselling called 'willfulness vs. willingness' -- I know, such clever names these people come up with! It is a skill because it is a choice that we must make when we face the power of our will. Willfulness will always lead to relapse or some form of destructive behaviour. Willfulness insists on its own way. I DO IT MYSELF! (Humorous words from the mouth of a toddler yet destructive for a person recovering from addiction or destructive behaviour). Willingness is the choice to do whatever it takes to choose the wise decision in the moment. Willingness means "I will do what my treatment team is recommending" rather than what I feel like doing. Willingness says, "I will use 'the force' for good and not for evil!"

Willingness in spiritual terms, means that I choose to allow God to dwell in me and make my life exceptional. When Jesus breaks the stare of the snake, I will take flight and live as one who is liberated and set free!

Thanks a lot!

The woman took on a tone of disdain as she motioned her server over to the table. "Can you move a chair in between the tables for us?" "No, I'm afraid we can't put a chair in there." "Well, why on earth not?" "It would block access to the other table." "And that would be a problem?" 

We looked at each other and felt a moment's compassion for our server. "It's cold in here -- can you shut the door?" "No, sorry -- we have to leave it open." (And hello, you're in an open air restaurant!). "I don't like this meal!" "This is too salty!" "Give me something else -- but take this off my bill." "No, don't take it away -- I"ll eat some of it...just take it off my bill.""Hmph!"

Wow! We couldn't believe the audacity of this woman. Complain. Whine. Be rude. Snap at the server. Gripe about virtually every part of the dining experience. The crazy part is -- it was at one of the most breathtaking and wonderful restaurants, "George's at the Cove" in La Jolla, California! The picture to the left is the view we had! The food was amazing and the service was excellent! In fact, we went back the next day and asked for the same server because she was so good and so much fun! (I even messed with her by complaining that my tuna melt tasted fishy! :-) The sad part is -- this woman definitely suffered from a severe case of ingratitude -- potentially terminal!

In his book, "The Richest Man Who Ever Lived; King Solomon's Secrets to Success, Wealth and Happiness" by Steven K. Scott, we find a potent quote about gratitude: "It's impossible to be grateful and unhappy at the same moment in time. Any moment, hour, day, or week that you are unhappy, you have chosen to let your focus rest on something other than the gifts you have been given. Let your unhappiness serve as an alarm to redirect your focus and energy" (p. 98).

Psychology and the world of medicine have also started to document the incredible healing power of gratitude and having a grateful heart. Robert Emmons and his colleagues at the University of California at Davis, are leading researchers on gratitude, and Emmons is the author of "Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier" (Houghton Mifflin, 2007). In a recent research study, they discovered that those in the gratitude group felt better about their lives overall, were more optimistic about the future, and reported fewer health problems than the other participants. 

Summarizing the findings from studies to date, Emmons says that those who practice grateful thinking "reap emotional, physical and interpersonal benefits." People who regularly keep a gratitude journal report fewer illness symptoms, feel better about their lives as a whole, and are more optimistic about the future. Emmons conclusion is that gratitude is a choice, one possible response to our life experiences. (Counting Your Blessings: How Gratitude Improves Your Health by Bruce Campbell).

The Bible has a lot to say about gratitude/thanksgiving /gratefulness/appreciation -- beyond being a Christian virtue, we now see that gratitude has a tremendous impact on our being physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually! Next time you find yourself being ungrateful or complaining, think of the many things in your life that you have to be thankful for. Adopt a grateful spirit and choose to appreciate the things that you have, can do, and experience. Not only will it drive out unhappiness but it will brighten the lives of those you come in contact with.  Make a list of things you are thankful for and keep it handy to remind yourself when you are tempted to be ungrateful and become discouraged. A gratitude journal can be a tremendous resource as well -- just writing down one thing that you are grateful for each day can help to transform your attitude. Look for the positives -- have a grateful heart and enjoy the life that God has given you!

Why not just check out?!

The perils of detachment! Although this picture is related to the bondage of the weigh scale -- it also depicts what detachment looks like! Disconnection. Not being whole. Not in unity with the 'whole self.' As the focus of this blog is related to 'Living Wholly!' I want to speak to the dangers of detachment.

Detachment occurs when we operate as though we can disconnect parts of ourselves from other parts -- for example, coming home from work and detaching through overeating, over-exercise, drugs, alcohol, zoning out in front of the TV or computer, etc. At those times, we are physically present but zoned out/disconnected from our thoughts and feelings -- our emotional, spiritual and mental pieces are disregarded.

This is where eating disorders, perfectionism and other ineffective coping skills grow. In order to disconnect and stay detached, a person has to keep engaging in the detaching behaviour -- that is because we are meant to be whole!

So what's the difference between 'checking out' and doing self-care that involves 'taking it easy?' The primary difference is awareness. If you are exhausted and/or overwhelmed at the end of the day, you need to take care of yourself. If you come home and say to yourself, "I don't want to think or feel anything..." Enter detachment -- which is unhealthy and only temporarily effective at best.

Instead, take a couple of minutes to acknowledge/identify what you are feeling. What's the day been like? How are you feeling now emotionally -- or how were you feeling during the day? Notice those emotions -- don't judge them. Just observe what's there. Take a moment to consider what you most need, based on what the emotions are telling you. We all have emotions and they are hardwired! They give us important information so that we can actually meet our valid needs.

For example, if your day has been full of pressure and left you drained from people contact, you may need some downtime/quiet time by yourself doing something that recharges you. Or if you are feeling lonely because you haven't had much people contact, you may need to reach out and have some connection. If a day has felt rather out of control and anxiety producing, you might need comfort and stability; this is a perfect time to do something soothing like take a relaxing walk, listen to music, soak in the tub or cuddle up with a big dog. Petting a dog or cat for 5-10 minutes a day is proven to reduce blood pressure!

The difference between 'checking out'/detaching and self-care is 'checking-in.' And it only takes a couple of minutes to check in with yourself -- notice what you are feeling and do something effective to meet your needs rather than trying to avoid thinking or feeling. Once you get the hang of it, checking in can be a very quick and routine habit that you do during the course of the day so that you are taking good care of yourself and staying attached to ALL your parts.

The Essential Nature of an Internal Locus

What do you think of when you hear the term, 'internal locus?' And no, that doesn't mean that I just ate a chocolate covered grasshopper! Locus is the correct term -- in Latin it means 'place.' In psychology, it is used in conjunction with having an internal or external locus of control. Every time I say it, I confess that I do tend to visualize a grasshopper -- and frankly, I'd rather have one on the outside of me! However, after living through the 1980's plagues of grasshoppers in Saskatchewan, I did NOT do well with the grasshoppers hitting the side view mirror on the car, propel through the open window and come zinging down the front of my shirt at 80 kilometres an hour! Nor did I do well with making my way through them (roughly 80 grasshoppers per sidewalk block) whilst wearing a dress and nylons on the way to work! (And did you know that nylons serve as a perfect net for catching hold of grasshopper feet?!?!?) Okay...now I'm getting shivers! Post-Traumatic Grasshopper Disorder kicking in!

I digress -- Locus of Control. Let's look first at the external locus of control. An external locus of control is where the determining factors for your choices come from outside sources. Picture a circle with a dot in the middle. You are the dot! Now imagine a bunch of arrows coming from the outside toward the centre/the dot. This is what an external locus looks like. These arrows represent different people or pressures -- trying to define what you are supposed to be like/do, etc. The problem with an external locus of control is that the person in the middle never knows for sure what they are supposed to be or do -- they keep morphing and masking, trying to please everyone in his/her life. This is a recipe for depression and anxiety. "Who do you want me to be?" is a common question here, and there is no anchoring point. The 'dot' in the middle gets pushed around and pressured by the external pressures/sources.

An internal locus of control looks different on a directional basis. Here the arrows go outward from the centre/the dot. The person defines from the inside out what kind of person they want to be/choose to be. They decide what kind of things they value, how they perform as an employee/student/professional, what kind of friend they are, how they want to interact with their parents or spouse, what they determine to be a priority, what energizes them, etc. The internal locus has an anchoring point. It assumes personal responsibility, which is something easily avoided through blaming in the external locus. The internal locus of control enforces personal choice and responsibility, which ultimately leads to wholeness.

An internal locus feels different than an external locus.  It is like the difference between driving your own life so that you end up where you want to go verses being in the passenger seat and allowing other people in your life to drive and determine where you end up. From a faith perspective, imagine yourself in the driver's seat and God helping you navigate (He's better than On-Star!). The ultimate form of health and wellness is an internal locus of control, anchored in the truth of who you are in Christ -- cemented in the truths found in Scripture. And frankly, it's a whole lot more fun to drive!

Purposeful Pain

Pain, pain go away, don't come back another day! That's what I think of pain! Whether it's emotional, mental, physical or spiritual pain. This is truly where we see the overlap of all 'our pieces.' As I have spoken about in Living Wholly before, we cannot separate our lives into parts -- we are integrated beings. What happens to us physically, effects us mentally. What effects us emotionally can impact our physical health and so on.

As I continue on this journey with chronic pain, I am trying to glean purpose from it. C.S. Lewis was quoted as saying that 'pain is God's megaphone.' It has a way of getting our attention! So what can I learn from my pain? What has my pain given me? Here are a few things that I have written down --

• Greater appreciation of life itself
• Greater appreciation of the gifts and abilities that I do have
• Gratitude/grateful heart
• Freedom to embrace life more fully
• Perseverance
• Greater understanding and compassion for those who are suffering
• Ability to identify with and empathize with those who are struggling through difficulties
• Pain reminds me of my desperate need for God
• It gives me a longing and desire for the hope that is to come -- pain-free heaven.
• It makes me humble -- more aware of my need for God and others.

It is a reminder to be practicing the principles that Jesus taught, to 'cast my burdens on Him because He cares for me,' and to yoke (join or unite) myself with Jesus. "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30.

In Bible times, this metaphor made total sense -- today, we don't often see a yoke of oxen -- two oxen walking together with a 'yoke' on. Typically one stronger ox was yoked with a weaker ox which allowed the pair to accomplish much more by decreasing the weight of the burden and leveraging the strength of the combined effort.

This is another positive of pain -- when you are yoked to something, it takes a little more effort to get away! You're not just going to wander off and end up a great distance from that which you are yoked to!

So perhaps the yoke is on me after all! :-) May we take up the very resources that are available to us -- the strength, love and support of Jesus. If God doesn't take us from it, He will take us through it.

Well, I'll Be!

The key learning I have received in the past couple of weeks is the power of prevailing prayer. The kind of prayer where we don't stop! Where we actually believe that what we say to God makes a difference! I have been keenly reminded that God IS moved by our prayers. God is relational -- and He hears our requests. He does not tune us out and pretend that our prayers are just 'blah, blah, blah...'  He listens to our prayers. He is moved by them. He answers our prayers. 

Sometimes it takes time. Often, our timeline does not line up with God's timeline, but that is not an indication that He is not listening or answering. It means that He does things HIS way in HIS timing because He actually and ultimately knows what is best. He desires the best for us!

Last time I wrote my blog, there was a heaviness -- an air of sadness as we stared death in the face on two different sides. Death doesn't always win! In fact, it is important to remember that death HAS been conquered! I Corinthians 15:55-57 tells us, "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."II Timothy 1:10, "but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel."

Our family member whose heart stopped for about 10 minutes, is home and continuing to heal.  We are Princess Bride fans, so refer to the quote where Billy Crystal reports that the man is 'only mostly dead.' We prayed, we petitioned God, we pleaded for Him to intercede and heal, and He did! My aunt who was on life support and headed rapidly towards death is now sitting up and off the life support -- she is aware and recovering. We prayed, we petitioned God, we asked for His mercy, and He answered our prayers.  Do not underestimate the power of your prayers.

Life is Fragile - Live, Love, Laugh

Life. It's so fragile! So easy to take it for granted. We forget that life is terminal. NO ONE gets out of this alive!

Not sure if you are familiar with this song by Tim McGraw but it's a powerful reminder to "Live Like You're Dying:"




"I was in my early forties,
With a lot of life before me,
An' a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days,
Looking at the x-rays,
An' talking 'bout the options an' talkin’ ‘bout sweet time."
I asked him when it sank in,
That this might really be the real end?
How’s it hit you when you get that kind of news?
Man whatcha do?

An' he said: "I went sky diving,
I went rocky mountain climbing,
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying.
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To live like you were dyin'."

He said "I was finally the husband,
That most the time I wasn’t.
An' I became a friend a friend would like to have.
And all of a sudden goin' fishin’,
Wasn’t such an imposition,
And I went three times that year I lost my Dad.
Well, I finally read the Good Book,
And I took a good long hard look,
At what I'd do if I could do it all again,
And then:

I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying.
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To live like you were dyin'."

Like tomorrow was a gift,
And you got eternity,
To think about what you’d do with it.
An' what did you do with it?
An' what can I do with it?
An' what would I do with it?

"Sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
And then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'.
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To live like you were dyin'."

-- by Tim McGraw; dedicated to the memory of his father, Tug McGraw.

In my small circle of influence, the past 24ish hours have included my adopted sister's father-in-law dying suddenly of a bowel obstruction, a family member almost dying at the age of 41when her heart stopped as she valiantly fights cancer, and my aunt going on life support with no expectation that she will make it. Life is so very fragile and unpredictable. No guarantees. I challenge you, I urge you, to view tomorrow as your gift -- now what will you do with it?

May you live well, love deeply and laugh richly.  'This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.' Psalms 118:24