Detachment occurs when we operate as though we can disconnect parts of ourselves from other parts -- for example, coming home from work and detaching through overeating, over-exercise, drugs, alcohol, zoning out in front of the TV or computer, etc. At those times, we are physically present but zoned out/disconnected from our thoughts and feelings -- our emotional, spiritual and mental pieces are disregarded.
This is where eating disorders, perfectionism and other ineffective coping skills grow. In order to disconnect and stay detached, a person has to keep engaging in the detaching behaviour -- that is because we are meant to be whole!
So what's the difference between 'checking out' and doing self-care that involves 'taking it easy?' The primary difference is awareness. If you are exhausted and/or overwhelmed at the end of the day, you need to take care of yourself. If you come home and say to yourself, "I don't want to think or feel anything..." Enter detachment -- which is unhealthy and only temporarily effective at best.
Instead, take a couple of minutes to acknowledge/identify what you are feeling. What's the day been like? How are you feeling now emotionally -- or how were you feeling during the day? Notice those emotions -- don't judge them. Just observe what's there. Take a moment to consider what you most need, based on what the emotions are telling you. We all have emotions and they are hardwired! They give us important information so that we can actually meet our valid needs.
The difference between 'checking out'/detaching and self-care is 'checking-in.' And it only takes a couple of minutes to check in with yourself -- notice what you are feeling and do something effective to meet your needs rather than trying to avoid thinking or feeling. Once you get the hang of it, checking in can be a very quick and routine habit that you do during the course of the day so that you are taking good care of yourself and staying attached to ALL your parts.
