I'm not gonna lie, it's been a rough summer. My chronic pain has hit all time highs as I have undergone a treatment called prolotherapy. The treatment involves a six inch syringe and 25 injections into my lower back with the hope that it might stimulate some new healing into my area of chronic pain. Initially it was supposed to be six treatments over the summer/fall season, one treatment every two weeks. It has ended up being an initial session with a second treatment two weeks later -- followed by another treatment in a month, then a third treatment and now taking a two month break. We are giving it some time in between to allow for possible variance in healing times. It doesn't seem to be working. Sigh. In fact, it made everything worse, including my levels of pain. Discouragement is a word that comes to mind!

Pain is not just a physical issue but affects a person mentally, emotionally and spiritually. As this blog tries to focus on, we are integrated beings. What happens to us physically does affect us mentally and so on. I have truly experienced this at a deeper level over the past few months. Increasing chronic levels of pain wear on your spirit. They drain your energy physically and emotionally. Life can easily become a series of just getting through what one absolutely has to do and then trying to recovery from it.

Discouragement crept in. Some despair. Frustration. I believe in a God who can heal, who does divine healing. I believe He can and hope that He will. So far He has not. Most of the time I do pretty good with this. Waiting on God. Leaning into Him. Standing on the truths that I know, regardless of whether I feel like they are true or not.

Then the nausea came. A month or so of nausea, stomach upset and other little goodies that I won't bother to share with you. That on top of the pain, and trying to work, continue with life, family, etc., was starting to push me - body, soul & spirit - under the waves. I could relate to David in the Psalms -- I cried out to the Lord, desperately! Lord, HELP ME! Heal me! Save me! Nothing. So weary. I kept asking. My prayers became rote at times. Desperate yet starting to wonder how this could be God's best for me. I believe that I am called by God to be a counsellor -- to help my clients find freedom and healing -- and I sensed no release from my vocation but I was feeling beyond overwhelm. What now?!??! Feeling weary and sick in my body, mind, emotions and spirit, my whole being was being affected by the chronicity of the worsening pain.

We went to pray with our Pastor on Tuesday. It was a great time of fellowship, ministry, teaching and prayer for my husband and I. Thanks be to God that He works in our lives and through the lives of others to encourage, bolster and bless! We asked God for HIS best in my life -- and we did ask for physical healing as well. I think I'd been spending too much time asking God to heal (which we are told to do -- persevering prayer!) but not fully aligning myself with WHATEVER He would have for me. The bottom line, biggest take away that the Lord gave to me through that prayer time was this, I need to abide in Him, continually. Always. "God is Light

and in Him there is no darkness at all (I John 1:5)." We are told in vs. 7 to 'walk in the Light as He is in the Light." Jesus exemplified this for us. He did nothing on His own agenda but plugged Himself into the power and the will of the Father, as an example for us. Chronic pain is darkness. When I focus on it, I don't see where I'm going. I get overwhelmed and my body, soul and spirit become exhausted. When I bring myself into the Light of God, there is NO darkness. I am choosing to walk in His Light, with Jesus interceding for me and giving me grace in the mean time. Will I be healed this side of Heaven? I don't know, but what I do know is that God is Light and in Him there is no darkness, and that is where I will anchor myself.