Body, Mind, Soul AND Spirit - equal care?

In my work as an eating disorder's specialist and Registered Psychologist, I frequent the dark side of our culture's obsession with physical appearance. It is not a nice place to see so often. "Health, fitness, weight loss, leaning down, etc." all about becoming a 'better you.' Really? Is it actually 'better' to be obsessed with one's physical appearance and adhering to our culture's tremendous imbalance of what dictates beauty? Research is finally getting past the pharmaceutical companies and multimillion dollar diet industry to release true statistics about physical health.

Let's review some of these facts: 1. Diets don't work (yet what is the topic of frequent conversations with friends in our lives?!). The sad thing is it's proven! Diets DON'T work!! In fact, they create what is now formally called 'weight cycling' which is proven to be very destructive and damaging to our physical bodies, let alone what it does to our self-esteem and mental health. Frequent dieting causes the body to actually move it's weight set-point higher and higher, which leads to additional weight gain after recurring bouts of harsh/extreme weight loss attempts driven by imbalance in diet or exercise.

2. Being leaner doesn't necessarily make you more healthy. This argument falls right back into the place of balance and moderation. Optimum health is found in a place of balance, within your body's natural weight range, not in morbid obesity and not in a place of extreme leanness, even if you don't meet the criteria for anorexia. Being too lean can damage the body's organs and lead to other forms of illness, including increased infertility in women and problems with reproduction.

3. Being in one's best health is not confined to physical fitness! If that is the focus of all that you do...daily obsession with food, fitness and what you're doing with your body in pursuit of 'health,' then you are incredibly out of balance! The care of body needs to be in balance with the amount of time, energy, focus and resource you put towards the care of your mind, soul and spirit! Think about it being a pie -- does your physical care take up more than 25% of your time, focus and energy? If so, your life is out of balance and you may be in danger of developing orthorexia nervosa -- a mental disorder that focuses on 'being healthy' to an extreme. One's extreme practices with food and exercise are buffered with the plea that you are 'just being healthy.' But it controls your life -- imbalanced focus on exercise, 'healthy eating' (which enforces the misbelief that there are good foods vs. bad foods rather than the truth that food is just fuel and there are bad portion sizes and bad frequency, but everything is okay within the scope of moderation!).

4. Having more muscle than fat/being 'leaner' and more fit does NOT make you a 'better' person. In all likelihood it gives you a puffed up sense of self-importance and superiority over those who aren't as 'fit,' possibly even judging the hearts of those who don't 'measure up' to your standard of fitness/food obsession -- thinking that they are somehow lacking in self-discipline or are 'weak minded.' This tends to lead to a place where judgment becomes the filter by which you compare yourself to others (which becomes a losing battle all on its own as there will always be someone more muscular, more lean, more anorexic, etc). Obsession with anything leads to imbalance. Judging people based on physical appearance and the externals is not only wrong according to Biblical standards, it turns you into a self-absorbed person who starts to base their self-worth on keeping up their own appearances. A dangerous place to 'store' the basis for your worth and value!

5. Moderation works. Period. The Bible directs us continually towards moderation and balance.  Moderate eating, moderate levels of physical activity, moderate work, moderate rest, moderate spending of resources, etc. The only problem with moderation is that it doesn't sell! People want quick fixes -- they want instant gratification and 'microwave convenience.' They want to correct a lifetime of poor choices with a simple plan -- 'can't I just fix everything in my life in one easy step?! A personal trainer? A therapist? A gym membership? A diet program?' Well, have we got a deal for you! That's why health and wellness is literally the largest, multibillion dollar industry -- feeding on the lie that pursuit of physical fitness/external appearance is the highest pursuit! Someone is making a good living from you struggling with the same lie that they are perpetuating. Clever!

The other problem is that moderation takes time and requires process. As human beings we typically cringe at having to tolerate distress and work through process. Moderation is actually the most cost effective and sustainable method of change. It almost sounds too easy. It moves you away from all or nothing thinking and into 'some.' From years of working with eating disordered clients I can honestly profess to you and endorse that the correction to binge eating, emotional eating, over exercise, restriction with food, and every other form of food/exercise imbalance is to practice moderation. Don't swing to the opposite end of the pendulum only to the middle. Moderation IS the correction! Make your physical activity something enjoyable -- walking, swimming, playing volleyball/soccer, play with little kids, walk the dog, do housework, gardening, yard work, etc. Enjoyment increases sustainability. Moderation truly brings about the most sustainable and effective method of change.


2 Corinthians 4:10-11 says, "Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies." What if we focused on how Jesus can be seen through us? Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit - "Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?" I Corinthians 6:19. The focus is not to adorn the temple and worship the temple! This is idolatry! We are to use the temple to 'honour God with your body.' (6:20).

Our bodies are the carrying case for our spirit. Wouldn't it be more wise to invest our time and energy and resource into the part of us that is eternal rather than scrambling about madly as though we can fight our own mortality? Our bodies are dying. They are perishable goods. Take care of your body in appropriate, MODERATE means. Then use that vessel to give honour and glory to God -- by pursuing wholeness and wellness in body, mind, soul and spirit.

Use your imagination!

As I lay on the pier looking into the crystal clear waters beneath me, I feel like I'm gazing into a huge aquarium, with beautiful, colourful fish darting past. I see some children running after each other. Their laughter is contagious! Their house is very small compared to North American standards. Most of the Belizean houses are smaller and raised up a few feet from the ground on stilts. The school 'boat' takes the kids off to school in San Pedro about nine miles away. I can't quite imagine what it would be like to live here year round, but it makes for a lovely, relaxed vacation!

These kids have so little! Probably a couple of toys or books. Are they happy? They run and laugh and play. They appear to be very happy. Our kids have so much -- rooms filled with toys! And yet they complain of boredom! 'There's nothing to do!' I remember years ago when my children were little, I ran across an article talking about the benefits of boredom for children. It struck me as being funny but the premise was that boredom spurs creativity. If we don't become bored we do not invent, imagine, and look outside of ourselves. I remember saying, "good!" when one of my children professed a state of boredom, "now you can be creative!"

I'm starting to think that the human imagination is at risk of extinction! Not just for children but for adults. We need to imagine -- to dream, to pretend, to think about possibilities, to create! Our society is so eager to avoid stillness that it seems to equate stillness with boredom, or even worse, laziness --considering it to be 'unproductive.' And heaven forbid that we not be busy or appear to be busy at all times! "What have you been up to lately?" is a common question. Why do we think it's praiseworthy to say, "Oh my, I've been so busy"...and go on to list the many endeavours we have undertaken or how we are filling up our time with this and that. Is it because we find our sense of worth and value in what we do or have done? This is a faulty base to build your self-worth on!

Psalm 46:10 reads, "Be still and know that I am God." To be still literally means to 'cease striving.' Isn't it productive to cease striving? To take care of oneself? To get to know God? Is it even possible to know God when we are so busy and distracted and entertained? The word entertain actually means to hold the attention of by amusing or distracting/diverting. In this culture of entertainment overload, it becomes increasingly difficult to practice stillness (a discipline that will only be used if you choose it!).  Stillness is also a conduit for creativity and the imagination. The less we use our imaginations and draw from what's inside us, the less satisfied we become.

Why is this? Maybe we were meant for something more than pleasing ourselves and being entertained. Perhaps our boredom is supposed to make us uneasy and cause us to think of other things, concepts, ideas, etc. To long, to dream, to envision -- perhaps stillness is a practice that we ought to pursue. Maybe we are creatures of imagination who require less stimulation and ease then we presently experience. Next time you are tempted to 'get busy' and 'be productive,' consider what it is you actually want to achieve. Do you want to add to the list of things you have to do or do you want to invest in the spirit and soul and mind that God has given you to use -- and possibly to connect more fully with Him?

Just imagine!

Don't you wish there were more signs like this as we walk through life?! The question is -- would we listen? Or would we ignore the sign and walk on the unsafe trail anyway? "Who are 'they' to tell me this trail isn't safe?!' or 'They can't tell ME not to walk on this trail!' Why are we so bent on following our own wills, especially in the face of apparent danger or warning?

A Spanish monk, named Carlos Villas, was riding his bicycle in the countryside of India when he came across a snake bobbing and weaving as it stared at a small bird. The bird was mesmerized by the snake. It's like he was being hypnotized by the gentle movements of the snake. Villas waved his arms and ran toward the pair. It was successful -- the snake's stare was broken and the bird broke free of his stupor and flew to safety.

Living under the stare of the snake is part of the human experience -- whether it is perfectionism, working too much, obsession with external appearance, pride, lust, greed, self-hatred or any number of addictive issues. As Gordon MacDonald writes in one of my all-time favorite books, "The Life God Blesses," -- "Who has the power to break the stare of the snake?...the power lies in the sacrificial death of Jesus the Savior...The result? The soul -- life below the waterline -- can be reclaimed, returned to its original purpose: to be a dwelling place for God and a source-point for exceptional living." He goes on to relay the starting point for transformation is when we make a 'root choice' to change direction.

When we are offered a choice -- when someone waves to break the stare of the snake and we wake up from our stupor and realize impending danger. What will we choose? Will we exert our willfulness and demand our own way or will we exercise our will in a willing way driven by desire for freedom and transformation?

This exemplifies the skill we teach in counselling called 'willfulness vs. willingness' -- I know, such clever names these people come up with! It is a skill because it is a choice that we must make when we face the power of our will. Willfulness will always lead to relapse or some form of destructive behaviour. Willfulness insists on its own way. I DO IT MYSELF! (Humorous words from the mouth of a toddler yet destructive for a person recovering from addiction or destructive behaviour). Willingness is the choice to do whatever it takes to choose the wise decision in the moment. Willingness means "I will do what my treatment team is recommending" rather than what I feel like doing. Willingness says, "I will use 'the force' for good and not for evil!"

Willingness in spiritual terms, means that I choose to allow God to dwell in me and make my life exceptional. When Jesus breaks the stare of the snake, I will take flight and live as one who is liberated and set free!

Thanks a lot!

The woman took on a tone of disdain as she motioned her server over to the table. "Can you move a chair in between the tables for us?" "No, I'm afraid we can't put a chair in there." "Well, why on earth not?" "It would block access to the other table." "And that would be a problem?" 

We looked at each other and felt a moment's compassion for our server. "It's cold in here -- can you shut the door?" "No, sorry -- we have to leave it open." (And hello, you're in an open air restaurant!). "I don't like this meal!" "This is too salty!" "Give me something else -- but take this off my bill." "No, don't take it away -- I"ll eat some of it...just take it off my bill.""Hmph!"

Wow! We couldn't believe the audacity of this woman. Complain. Whine. Be rude. Snap at the server. Gripe about virtually every part of the dining experience. The crazy part is -- it was at one of the most breathtaking and wonderful restaurants, "George's at the Cove" in La Jolla, California! The picture to the left is the view we had! The food was amazing and the service was excellent! In fact, we went back the next day and asked for the same server because she was so good and so much fun! (I even messed with her by complaining that my tuna melt tasted fishy! :-) The sad part is -- this woman definitely suffered from a severe case of ingratitude -- potentially terminal!

In his book, "The Richest Man Who Ever Lived; King Solomon's Secrets to Success, Wealth and Happiness" by Steven K. Scott, we find a potent quote about gratitude: "It's impossible to be grateful and unhappy at the same moment in time. Any moment, hour, day, or week that you are unhappy, you have chosen to let your focus rest on something other than the gifts you have been given. Let your unhappiness serve as an alarm to redirect your focus and energy" (p. 98).

Psychology and the world of medicine have also started to document the incredible healing power of gratitude and having a grateful heart. Robert Emmons and his colleagues at the University of California at Davis, are leading researchers on gratitude, and Emmons is the author of "Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier" (Houghton Mifflin, 2007). In a recent research study, they discovered that those in the gratitude group felt better about their lives overall, were more optimistic about the future, and reported fewer health problems than the other participants. 

Summarizing the findings from studies to date, Emmons says that those who practice grateful thinking "reap emotional, physical and interpersonal benefits." People who regularly keep a gratitude journal report fewer illness symptoms, feel better about their lives as a whole, and are more optimistic about the future. Emmons conclusion is that gratitude is a choice, one possible response to our life experiences. (Counting Your Blessings: How Gratitude Improves Your Health by Bruce Campbell).

The Bible has a lot to say about gratitude/thanksgiving /gratefulness/appreciation -- beyond being a Christian virtue, we now see that gratitude has a tremendous impact on our being physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually! Next time you find yourself being ungrateful or complaining, think of the many things in your life that you have to be thankful for. Adopt a grateful spirit and choose to appreciate the things that you have, can do, and experience. Not only will it drive out unhappiness but it will brighten the lives of those you come in contact with.  Make a list of things you are thankful for and keep it handy to remind yourself when you are tempted to be ungrateful and become discouraged. A gratitude journal can be a tremendous resource as well -- just writing down one thing that you are grateful for each day can help to transform your attitude. Look for the positives -- have a grateful heart and enjoy the life that God has given you!

Why not just check out?!

The perils of detachment! Although this picture is related to the bondage of the weigh scale -- it also depicts what detachment looks like! Disconnection. Not being whole. Not in unity with the 'whole self.' As the focus of this blog is related to 'Living Wholly!' I want to speak to the dangers of detachment.

Detachment occurs when we operate as though we can disconnect parts of ourselves from other parts -- for example, coming home from work and detaching through overeating, over-exercise, drugs, alcohol, zoning out in front of the TV or computer, etc. At those times, we are physically present but zoned out/disconnected from our thoughts and feelings -- our emotional, spiritual and mental pieces are disregarded.

This is where eating disorders, perfectionism and other ineffective coping skills grow. In order to disconnect and stay detached, a person has to keep engaging in the detaching behaviour -- that is because we are meant to be whole!

So what's the difference between 'checking out' and doing self-care that involves 'taking it easy?' The primary difference is awareness. If you are exhausted and/or overwhelmed at the end of the day, you need to take care of yourself. If you come home and say to yourself, "I don't want to think or feel anything..." Enter detachment -- which is unhealthy and only temporarily effective at best.

Instead, take a couple of minutes to acknowledge/identify what you are feeling. What's the day been like? How are you feeling now emotionally -- or how were you feeling during the day? Notice those emotions -- don't judge them. Just observe what's there. Take a moment to consider what you most need, based on what the emotions are telling you. We all have emotions and they are hardwired! They give us important information so that we can actually meet our valid needs.

For example, if your day has been full of pressure and left you drained from people contact, you may need some downtime/quiet time by yourself doing something that recharges you. Or if you are feeling lonely because you haven't had much people contact, you may need to reach out and have some connection. If a day has felt rather out of control and anxiety producing, you might need comfort and stability; this is a perfect time to do something soothing like take a relaxing walk, listen to music, soak in the tub or cuddle up with a big dog. Petting a dog or cat for 5-10 minutes a day is proven to reduce blood pressure!

The difference between 'checking out'/detaching and self-care is 'checking-in.' And it only takes a couple of minutes to check in with yourself -- notice what you are feeling and do something effective to meet your needs rather than trying to avoid thinking or feeling. Once you get the hang of it, checking in can be a very quick and routine habit that you do during the course of the day so that you are taking good care of yourself and staying attached to ALL your parts.

The Essential Nature of an Internal Locus

What do you think of when you hear the term, 'internal locus?' And no, that doesn't mean that I just ate a chocolate covered grasshopper! Locus is the correct term -- in Latin it means 'place.' In psychology, it is used in conjunction with having an internal or external locus of control. Every time I say it, I confess that I do tend to visualize a grasshopper -- and frankly, I'd rather have one on the outside of me! However, after living through the 1980's plagues of grasshoppers in Saskatchewan, I did NOT do well with the grasshoppers hitting the side view mirror on the car, propel through the open window and come zinging down the front of my shirt at 80 kilometres an hour! Nor did I do well with making my way through them (roughly 80 grasshoppers per sidewalk block) whilst wearing a dress and nylons on the way to work! (And did you know that nylons serve as a perfect net for catching hold of grasshopper feet?!?!?) Okay...now I'm getting shivers! Post-Traumatic Grasshopper Disorder kicking in!

I digress -- Locus of Control. Let's look first at the external locus of control. An external locus of control is where the determining factors for your choices come from outside sources. Picture a circle with a dot in the middle. You are the dot! Now imagine a bunch of arrows coming from the outside toward the centre/the dot. This is what an external locus looks like. These arrows represent different people or pressures -- trying to define what you are supposed to be like/do, etc. The problem with an external locus of control is that the person in the middle never knows for sure what they are supposed to be or do -- they keep morphing and masking, trying to please everyone in his/her life. This is a recipe for depression and anxiety. "Who do you want me to be?" is a common question here, and there is no anchoring point. The 'dot' in the middle gets pushed around and pressured by the external pressures/sources.

An internal locus of control looks different on a directional basis. Here the arrows go outward from the centre/the dot. The person defines from the inside out what kind of person they want to be/choose to be. They decide what kind of things they value, how they perform as an employee/student/professional, what kind of friend they are, how they want to interact with their parents or spouse, what they determine to be a priority, what energizes them, etc. The internal locus has an anchoring point. It assumes personal responsibility, which is something easily avoided through blaming in the external locus. The internal locus of control enforces personal choice and responsibility, which ultimately leads to wholeness.

An internal locus feels different than an external locus.  It is like the difference between driving your own life so that you end up where you want to go verses being in the passenger seat and allowing other people in your life to drive and determine where you end up. From a faith perspective, imagine yourself in the driver's seat and God helping you navigate (He's better than On-Star!). The ultimate form of health and wellness is an internal locus of control, anchored in the truth of who you are in Christ -- cemented in the truths found in Scripture. And frankly, it's a whole lot more fun to drive!

Purposeful Pain

Pain, pain go away, don't come back another day! That's what I think of pain! Whether it's emotional, mental, physical or spiritual pain. This is truly where we see the overlap of all 'our pieces.' As I have spoken about in Living Wholly before, we cannot separate our lives into parts -- we are integrated beings. What happens to us physically, effects us mentally. What effects us emotionally can impact our physical health and so on.

As I continue on this journey with chronic pain, I am trying to glean purpose from it. C.S. Lewis was quoted as saying that 'pain is God's megaphone.' It has a way of getting our attention! So what can I learn from my pain? What has my pain given me? Here are a few things that I have written down --

• Greater appreciation of life itself
• Greater appreciation of the gifts and abilities that I do have
• Gratitude/grateful heart
• Freedom to embrace life more fully
• Perseverance
• Greater understanding and compassion for those who are suffering
• Ability to identify with and empathize with those who are struggling through difficulties
• Pain reminds me of my desperate need for God
• It gives me a longing and desire for the hope that is to come -- pain-free heaven.
• It makes me humble -- more aware of my need for God and others.

It is a reminder to be practicing the principles that Jesus taught, to 'cast my burdens on Him because He cares for me,' and to yoke (join or unite) myself with Jesus. "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30.

In Bible times, this metaphor made total sense -- today, we don't often see a yoke of oxen -- two oxen walking together with a 'yoke' on. Typically one stronger ox was yoked with a weaker ox which allowed the pair to accomplish much more by decreasing the weight of the burden and leveraging the strength of the combined effort.

This is another positive of pain -- when you are yoked to something, it takes a little more effort to get away! You're not just going to wander off and end up a great distance from that which you are yoked to!

So perhaps the yoke is on me after all! :-) May we take up the very resources that are available to us -- the strength, love and support of Jesus. If God doesn't take us from it, He will take us through it.