It's Been A Long Hard Winter

It's been a while since I blogged. Quite a while. You may have even forgot that I had a blog! I thought of it once in a while. Laid down and the thought passed. Thought about it again. Thought about what to say and share -- didn't come up with a whole lot. At least much that I figured would be helpful to anyone else. But you know what? Sometimes the richness of God's best soil develops after a long hard winter where there has been seemingly little good and far too much barren harshness. That's kind of how I have felt this past year. Almost four and a half years of chronic pain and blessed little answers. I'm now to the point of surrendering. Not to the pain - heck no! I will fight the pain 'til I die! I am surrendering to God's purposes in and through this. Do I know what He is doing? Nope. But He does. Can I see any good coming out of this?? Bits. Glimmers. Glimpses.

The Bible tells us that Jesus was well-acquainted with our sufferings. That He experienced pain -- some of the worst physical pain imaginable through the process of crucifixion. It was pretty much the pain that killed him as he suffocated. He suffered emotional, mental and spiritual pain as well -- that even evidenced itself through a process of physical distress wherein the blood came out his pores with sweat (it's a rare condition called hematidrosis). How can we think we are not interconnected?! The physical affecting the emotional, mental and spiritual -- and any combination thereof. Pain is part of this life -- it actually has a very poignant way of pointing us toward the eternal -- life beyond the brokenness of this fallen world.

Joni Eareckson Tada knows pain more than anyone I know. She has written several books on suffering and I love her writing. “Suffering provides the gym equipment on which my faith can be exercised.”

(From her book, "Suffering, Making Sense of Suffering).

Faith definitely gets a workout through times of suffering and struggle. We are forced to work through our beliefs and choose to believe -- to keep believing -- to walk in faith through the blistering storms where we cannot see. Anything. 'Til after. Maybe. Here's what I do know. When I trust God and walk in faith. I find peace. And ultimately, I find joy. Or maybe, they find me.

Photo graciously provided by my lovely friend, Brenda Fidelak, who truly knows what it is to dance in the rain!

Trust - a dirty word?

When you think about trusting someone, what comes to mind? What makes a person trustworthy? Is it because you have known them a long time or because of them proving themselves to be reliable? Is reliable the same as trustworthy? Trust seems to be one of the most difficult things for us to do as human beings. Multiple times in the Bible we read the phrase, "Trust in the Lord." Easier said than done! I especially like "Trust in the Lord and do not be afraid" (wish sarcasm had its own font!!) The word 'trust' is used 103 times in the Bible -- sensing a theme! It literally means 'trust in; to have confidence, be confident; to be bold; to be secure.'

I like the thought of security. I like to know what is going to happen. My human nature tends to default to believing that I trust the Lord with everything, and then me trying to figure it all out and make it happen through my own abilities. Not that I don't mean well but I can easily slip from being in a position of trusting God and walking in submission to His purposes for me, and moving into my own agenda and control of the situation. Let's just clear something up with regard to that even dirtier word, submission -- the best picture I ever learned of what submission really looks like is 'to lean into.' When we lean into God and cooperate with Him, the task is easier and we have His power available and enabling us to do anything.

So why is it so hard to trust? Why do I struggle with staying in a place of submission to God's will and leaning into Him? It would appear that my human nature wants to be in control of what is going on and to know what is going to happen next. Trusting God means walking in darkness with a flashlight beam's worth of light shining at your feet. God knows where we are going and what the next step entails. So why can't I just trust Him with that and just walk? It would seem that we truly cannot fathom our God or understand His ways. We lack an eternal perspective and cannot begin to comprehend what God is doing and why.

I was praying 'not my will but Yours' -- that's what sparked all this T-word stuff. Can I trust the Lord no matter what, for the working out of His eternal purposes? Jesus prayed that same prayer and submitted Himself fully to the will of the Father in order to accomplish God's ultimate and eternal purpose of salvation for us. Yet Jesus was fully human and fully God. I can't imagine the internal distress and conflict that must have been for Him! To know that He had to fight His human will and allow people to abuse, traumatize  and murder Him without exercising His Divine Identity and Power. Talk about self-control! Especially in light of our human nature default to want to take control. Jesus so easily could have said, "How dare you punch the Son of God!" Lightning bolt = pile of smokin' ash. "Forget it God, I am NOT going to stand for this!" Dramatic roar, slow motion tearing off of the sarcastic purple cloak and the abusers running in terror.

He didn't. He felt it. He asked God to take this suffering away from Him and to accomplish His purposes in some other way. He pleaded in prayer with the Father to the point where blood secreted out of His sweat glands, a medical phenomenon that is seen rarely at points of extreme stress. Jesus chose to trust His Father with the plan. He leaned into God's purposes for salvation & redemption, and allowed God to work through Him to accomplish His eternal purposes.

Will we? Will we choose to trust God's heart and love for us, even if we don't know what the next steps are? I am trying to lean into God and trust Him more and more fully with my life. I'm trying to do that without being afraid and you know what I'm finding in the midst of that? I'm finding God's peace. Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

Undercover Boss

I was at my small group study this morning and we were looking at the concept of how Jesus responded under pressure.  Jesus went through an insanely stressful 24 hour period!  He could have reacted in frustration or fear, yet He chose to trust God.  "You, Lord, give true peace to those who depend on you, because they trust you" Isaiah 26:3.

Jesus can relate to us.  He is able to understand our struggles.  He is fully aware of the scope of our emotions.  He went through some crazy, stressful days when He was here on earth!  It's amazing to me that He set aside His heavenly position and came down into the trenches to see how we live.  To struggle like we struggle.  To feel like we feel.  He experienced humanity fully yet did not sin.  It reminded me of the television series, "Undercover Boss."  This is a show where the head of the company works undercover -- sometimes even disguising himself -- at entry-level jobs in his company.  He isn't allowed to say who he really is.  He is treated like any other guy off the street who gets hired into an entry-level position.  Sometimes he even gets mistreated or fired!  At the end of the show, he meets with those same people and reveals his true identity. 

This inevitably leads to a changed boss.  One who has a greater awareness of how his company works at the grassroots level and a deeper appreciation for the struggles of his employees.  He can sympathize with his people.  He knows what it's like to be in their shoes. 

Wow.  God did that for me!  Jesus gave up His executive position in heaven -- dressed up in skin and entered into life as a human!  Why?  So He could totally relate to me.  So He would know what it's like to be stressed, and hurt, and disappointed, and...  He can empathize -- He gets it!  "Therefore, it was necessary for Jesus to be in every respect like us, his brothers and sisters, so that he could be our merciful High Priest before God.  He then could offer a sacrifice that would take away the sins of the people.  Since he himself has gone through suffering and temptation, he is able to help us when we are being tempted" Hebrews 2:17-18.